Airport Security Screening or Foot Fetish Heaven

Chicago, IL (IB) - National security measures in airports following 9/11 have created a new opportunity for foot fetishists traveling cross-country on business or pleasure. Typically airports were prime spots for voyeurs of airline stewardesses and flight attendants walking from gate to gate in their navy blue uniforms, pantyhose and heels. Now, the security checkpoints have provided an opportunity for those with a foot fetish to wait for next hot blonde mother, college coed or businesswoman to take off her shoes and pass through the metal detector and x-ray screening.

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Worn Pantyhose Auction Buyer Harvests DNA

Ann Arbor, MI (IB) - Straight from the pages of the Mary Shelley novel ‘Frankenstein’, federal investigators uncovered an unconventional laboratory in the basement of a Michigan home. What is perhaps the first case of its kind, Thomas Hanes was taken into custody for harvesting DNA that he obtained by purchasing pairs of worn women’s hosiery. Mr. Hanes obtained the pairs of worn pantyhose from a multitude of women including Hooters waitresses, airline stewardesses and assorted women selling their sweat soaked nylons online. He was then able to harvest DNA from the pantyhose fibers and began cultivating his specimens in his basement laboratory.

During the press conference following the Hanes arrest, Chief Investigator Alonzo Mosely compared the scene inside the Hanes house to the basement of Wild Bill from the novel and movie ‘Silence of the Lambs’. ‘If we hadn’t received a tip from the electric company notifying us of an unusual spike in electrical usage in the Hanes home, we may have not been able to shut down his little sex lab before he had a chance to grow his own harem of fetish sex women from scratch. I mean he was literally scratching the DNA from the crusty toes and crotches of the pantyhose that he obtained from the unsuspecting women that he patronized during his pantyhose buying binge.’ Read the story »

Blackmail Conspiracy Uncovered on Wall Street

New York, NY (IB) - While the mainstream media has been reporting on the mortgage and dollar crisis, the real threat to our financial security was recently uncovered. Overshadowed by the Eliot Spitzer call girl drama was a Wall Street conspiracy which lead to the sub-prime lending mess and the Fed’s continued decisions to cut the lending rates to banks. This conspiracy has threatened world financial markets while padding the personal bank accounts of the women behind the conspiracy.

A group of five mid-level investment bankers, all female, preyed upon the taboo sexual practices of influential superiors to rock the stability of our financial markets. The investment managers of some of the largest mutual and hedge funds were reduced to licking the Italian leather pumps and sniffing their sweaty stocking feet of the co-conspirators during moments of sexual weakness. Their weakness eventually lead to them being blackmailed by female ‘Gang of Five’ to delve into the sub-prime lending practices that have resulted in the deluge of foreclosures spreading across the nation. When their blackmail conspiracy looked like it would completely unravel, the ‘Gang of Five’ had their blackmailed executives make key introductions for them at the Federal Reserve. The scope of their infiltration of the Fed is as of yet unknown, but several pairs of seamed black stockings with Cuban heels were found in the desk drawers of several analysts who answer directly to Fed Chairman Bernanke.

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