Rugby Auction & the Dog Costume

At my Jesuit college, the rugby team held an auction every year to raise beer money for the season. The rugby players would auction themselves off at the campus Rathskellar, and the winning bidder or bidders would have a rugby player for 24 hours to clean their house, wash their car, run errands, do stupid human tricks, or whatever the bidder thought up.

The seniors usually went for the highest price at the auction. The bidders were almost exclusively girls, although a professor from the biology department would show up some years to bid on cheap labor to shovel manure for the campus greenhouse. As a freshman, I didn’t think that I would attract much attention, but as it turned out, I ended up being purchased by an apartment of junior and senior girls for the rock bottom price of $20. I thought, if I’m going to be stuck working for someone, at least it’s a group of hot upperclass girls. The night of the auction, they just told me to show up at their apartment on the hill at 11 A.M. since they’d be sleeping in after staying out late Friday night.

When I showed up at their apartment on Saturday morning, they were already drinking Bloody Marys and had the grill fired up on their patio. Stacey, a senior, told me to come into the apartment, and she told me that they had a uniform for me to wear for the day. She said that I could find it in the back bedroom and to come out once I had changed. What I found when I got in the bedroom was a dog costume, complete with paws and a head with big floppy ears and a hole for my face to stick out, hanging on the door of the closet. I knew that this couldn’t be a good sign for the rest of the day.

When I changed into the dog costume and went back out into their living room, all 4 of the roommates were there. A couple of camera flashes went off in my face, and all four of them were laughing at the sight of me in that dog costume while they were trying to hold onto their Bloody Marys. Then it really started. Stacey said, “Heel doggie.” So, I started walking over to where she was sitting, and she yelled, “NO! Doggies crawl, so start crawling doggie.” UGH! This was going to be long day for me as a doggie. I got down on my hands and knees to the sound of the girls laughing some more and taking more pics as I started to crawl across the room to Stacey. When I go to her, she patted me on top of the head and told me to thump my leg on the floor so everyone would know that I like it. I was never going to live this down.

Then, Diane, one of the roommates, took off her shoe and threw it across the room and said, “Fetch doggie.” I crawled to the corner of the room and grabbed her shoe with my hand and started crawling back when her other shoe came whizzing by my head. She yelled, “NO doggie! Use your mouth.” So I dropped the shoe on the floor and picked it up with my mouth. The shoe reeked of Diane’s sweaty feet. I crawled back to her and dropped the shoe at her feet. When I lifted my head, she slapped me in the face and said, “You forgot the other one doggie. Fetch again.” By this time, Janine had turned on her camcorder and was filming me crawling across their floor. While they were laughing at me with Diane’s stinky shoe in my mouth, Stacey was on the phone inviting more people over to the party.

To be continued …

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