Blackmail Conspiracy Uncovered on Wall Street

New York, NY (IB) – While the mainstream media has been reporting on the mortgage and dollar crisis, the real threat to our financial security was recently uncovered. Overshadowed by the Eliot Spitzer call girl drama was a Wall Street conspiracy which lead to the sub-prime lending mess and the Fed’s continued decisions to cut the lending rates to banks. This conspiracy has threatened world financial markets while padding the personal bank accounts of the women behind the conspiracy.

A group of five mid-level investment bankers, all female, preyed upon the taboo sexual practices of influential superiors to rock the stability of our financial markets. The investment managers of some of the largest mutual and hedge funds were reduced to licking the Italian leather pumps and sniffing their sweaty stocking feet of the co-conspirators during moments of sexual weakness. Their weakness eventually lead to them being blackmailed by female ‘Gang of Five’ to delve into the sub-prime lending practices that have resulted in the deluge of foreclosures spreading across the nation. When their blackmail conspiracy looked like it would completely unravel, the ‘Gang of Five’ had their blackmailed executives make key introductions for them at the Federal Reserve. The scope of their infiltration of the Fed is as of yet unknown, but several pairs of seamed black stockings with Cuban heels were found in the desk drawers of several analysts who answer directly to Fed Chairman Bernanke.

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Newlywed Wife Throws Shoes at Husband

PARTS UNKNOWN, Ohio (IB) – So, I’m sitting in my home office today looking for more models in pantyhose and heels, when out of my office window I see shoes flying out the back door of the neighbor’s house. Too bad they were various styles of men’s shoes flying through the air instead of some nice black leather pumps. It seems as if there was some unknown strife at the newlywed’s house this afternoon. My best guess is that the newbie wife caught her husband surfing porn or some credit card statements with unauthorized porn or phone sex charges on them. He ended up gathering his shoes and other articles of clothing that she tossed out the back door; she did show some compassion and tossed him a coat and hat for the below freezing weather here in Ohio.

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Evangelical Christians Speak Out Against Un-Godly Fetishes

CINCINNATI, Ohio (IB) – While Jesus may have washed the feet of his disciples following the Last Supper, the Lord does not approve of sexualizing feet in the bedroom, according to America’s growing evangelical conservative movement. With the fall Congressional elections fast approaching, evangelical christians across the nation are positioning themselves to influence the politicians who are vying for public office to continue pushing the morality issues on their religious and political agenda.

Christian conservatives, while being consumers of various types of erotica and while engaging in marital sexual acts beyond intercourse in the missionary position, are setting their sights low this year. Specifially, they are looking to wipe out foot fetish erotica from adult bookstores, adult webistes, MySpace.com, other social networking sites, and from the bedroom. The right-wing religious group, Christians for Moral Sexuality, are targeting traditional conservative strongholds south-western Ohio and the entire state of Georgia for the launch of their “Feet are for Walking” campaign.

The “Feet are for Walking” campaign is designed to educate the public of the utilitarian nature of the human foot and to emphasize the non-sexual nature of this body part. Television advertisments for the campaign feature women in ‘sensible shoes’, generic knee highs and pantyhose, and thick white socks. Stressing that feet were ‘created by God as our basic means of transportation’, the Christians for Moral Sexuality group hopes to reign in the growing foot fetish pandemic spreading across the world.

Most evangelical Christians view soft-core fetishes such as foot and nylon fetishes as the greatest threat to their takeover of the American political process. Fetishes that are considered benign by the majority of educated people unencumbered by the brain-washing of Bible Belt cowboy and Bubba churches with ‘men of the Lord’ preaching from stages with Christian rock bands backing them up give people a reason not to vote conservative. It seems that when the average evangelical Christian male develops an erection, the blood rushing to his penis from his brain finally permits him to think clearly and see that indulging one’s fetish for feet does not mean that he will be left behind at the time of the rapture.

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